Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Thoughts on the Death of a Yemeni Child Bride

I am speechless. I have so many questions that will never be answered and this story will be put up on the pile of other horrific stories about the exploitation of women universally. I haven't cried in a looong time, but after reading the details of this poor little girl's story I couldn't help but sob. You try to make sense of it all, you try to understand how things like this really happen, but in the end youre left with unanswered questions and sheer grief.

Its almost unbelievable. It begins in Yemen (our backyard) with a young selfish man who wants to get married. He makes a deal with his friend; "I'll trade you my sister for your sister", the friend agrees and the young men are relieved to avoid dowry costs. Like cattle, a 13 year old child, Elham is traded, without consent, for another girl, and like cattle her future is the same. At this point I wonder...

Why didn't someone, anyone in her family try to stop the brother from marrying her off against her will???  She was a mere 13, her to-be husband was a 23 year old man.Why didn't any family member attempt to protect her?

No one stops the marriage and the little girl is sent off to her husbands home. She dies three days after the marriage trade. Her husband, or more appropriately, murderer was so keen on having sex with her that after several failed attempts to "do her", he went to the Drs. requesting tranquilizing drugs so that he could complete the deed without having the child resist him. The Dr. refused him. What a sick, disgusting, good for nothing dog of a man!!!!  But doesn't that leave you to wonder...

Why just refuse him? Why not investigate the situation. What kind of man asks a Dr. for drugs in order to rape his wife? He should have been arrested on the spot!! Why didn't the Dr. help to protect Elham?

So since he couldn't get his hands on tranquilizers, the scum decides to get a hold of performance enhancing pills, and that night rapes her to no end. He ties her up and rapes her until she is unconscious.
He takes her back to the same clinic, this time carrying her because of course she can't walk. The admirable Dr. tells him that she has severe tears in her vagina and not to approach her for 10 days. WHAT THE HELL?!!! A man brings in a CHILD, who is obviously violently raped and has suffered tremendously and your prescription is "give her a ten day break?" The Dr. should be locked up forever.

Elham's mother visits her later that day and finds her in and out of consciousness, Elham tells her mother that she was tied up and raped. Ehlams husband murderer tells the mother that Elham has been possessed by spirits and that he planned on taking her to a witch doctor that day. Of course, Elham never makes it, she dies shortly after. A forensic report later says that Elham suffered extensive damage to the vagina and rectum and was bleeding internally which led to her death. The report suggests that there was more damage from the first examination. Even after she couldn't walk and was bleeding, and he was told not to touch her for at least ten days, this animal goes for the kill, and rapes Elham some more.

So just like that, a child is married off, brutally raped, and dead within three days. I can't begin to imagine what those three days were like. She must have been terrified of him, she probably wished someone would rescue her. Did she call on her mother? her brother who traded her? did she call on God?  And when she could no longer muster the energy to scream, what thoughts swirled in her head? She probably tried to think of the happy moments in her life, even briefly or maybe she just wished for death so that the pain would cease. I can only wonder

After sobbing for Elham and thinking of my own children I vowed that I would never forget Elham in my  prayers.

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Thank you Newsy Community Team for the video!

Friday, December 25, 2009

One Wife, Two Wife


I have tons of things to do this today and can't seem to get myself going. I have literally been Sleepless in Salalah. I find myself waking up wayyy before Fajr (dawn prayer) and can't go back to sleep. I end up staying up the whole day juggling the kids, the house, hubby and my other very important priorities. There's never enough time in the day. To make matters worse, last night we received really sad news. I need a little inspiration, hence the photo.



Yesterday evening we went to visit some family. I always have such a great time with them and sincerely appreciate their hospitality and kindness towards me. It's not always easy to communicate and often times we end up playing charades, but some of them speak English really well. The sad, unfortunate news? My twenty-five year old sister-in-law is divorcing her husband of 7 years. She doesn't want to be with her husband anymore because he decided to take on a second wife ... irregardless of her feelings. She has returned to her fathers house, she just gave birth 3 months ago, and they have one other child, 5. As a woman, it was very emotional for me to listen to her side of things and I couldn't help but despise her husband. I am well aware of what Islam says about Polygyny and its permissibility etc, so please, to those of you who wish to give Fatwas (legal rulings) save it. She is not the first woman to experience this sense of betrayal and certainly not the last. It happens way to often, here in Salalah. Many women are suffering from polygyny done / gone wrong. In my sister-in-law's case, she of course has the right Islamically to a divorce, but so much is at stake. I refuse to understand or empathize with his reasoning to take on another wife, I refuse. I sat with her a while and asked her all sorts of questions, I just had so much trouble making sense of it all. The strength in her words, her apparent confidence in her decision and her optimistic heart have left me feeling like super woman. The photo at the top is dedicated to her. I am totally routing for you Fatima!

ps I'll be joining her at the gym this week ... horray!